adventures with modafinil (provigil)

The title is a lie. There are no adventures to speak of. The only thing to say about using modafinil is that I FEEL LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING AGAIN, and it’s amazing. I can DRIVE. I can STAY AWAKE AT MY DESK.  I can RUN ERRANDS. I can appear to be like other people without expending vast amounts of emotional/mental energy doing so.

My side effects have been minimal and I’m so grateful for it. I have my life again.

Still, in searching for other experiences with the medication, it’s become apparent that ‘body hackers’ love modafinil. It’s the latest ‘smart drug’ and I can’t help but be irrationally angry that people like that bulletproof coffee guy* have jumped on and are like hey, this thing is cool and it makes me smart and alert and I’m like, it took me months to get a prescription from my sleep doctor for it. It’s not some trendy lifehack: I need it to function.

Perhaps I’m just bitter that I need this medication to stay awake while driving or working or, uh, presenting myself as a normal human, while dudebros out there trivialize a serious physiological need for it. It’s a controlled substance, much like Adderall and Xanax, and it’s expensive and I had to do a lot of trial and error and land on my diagnosis before I could get a prescription. Don’t let this be a trend, with people getting it in some shady way that eventually makes it harder to obtain legitimately. DON’T FUCK THIS UP, YOU GUYS.

*I actually like bulletproof coffee and drink it pretty regularly. But Dave Asprey’s marketing feels so SKETCHY to me, and he charges a whole hell of a lot more for supplements sold in his shop, while touting some vague differences in the process or ingredients used to create his version that account for the insane markup. No thanks, I’ll stick to my plebe coffee and coconut oil.

6 Replies to “adventures with modafinil (provigil)”

  1. Just thought it was a bit weird that I wrote a post about my possible narcolepsy diagnosis and decided to check your page out directly after because you liked a post on my page. I’ve only read like 2-3 lines so far of this but can tell I am already a fan. I was thinking to myself hmm this doesn’t quite sound to much like epilepsy more like narcolepsy and boom next line you mention narcolepsy. I’m going to read more of your stuff and I hope you check out the poem I wrote titled, Falling- I think you may find it a little interesting.

    • Yeah, when I read your poem I actually found it easy to associate with narcolepsy too! I can’t say I have any experience with epilepsy (outside of one distant relative who struggles with it) but I’ll be keeping up with your blog so that I am more aware and because these neurological disorders should not have such stigmas against them.

  2. I took this for awhile but it didn’t help at all and interacted with my birth control leaving me feeling worse and still tired. Since then I’ve been on ritalin and I hate when people wanted to buy some off of me in college or would take ritalin and adderal and feel more alert and I actually need mine and sadly can never get that feeling of amazing alertness that someone who isn’t prescribed it can get, it just makes me feel normal.

    • Ugh! That’s really annoying! I take benzos for acute anxiety and have been asked about sharing it with people interested for its recreational use. No thanks, not even taking into account the fact that it’s illegal, I don’t like the idea of sharing something that helps me function so others can potentially abuse it.

      I hope Ritalin is working out for you! Using meds has been enlightening. It’s like, wait, is this what normal people feel likel!? haha.

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